


A Wish to You

by OpalFantasy



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst and Feels, Christmas Fluff, M/M, Pining, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalFantasy/pseuds/OpalFantasy
Summary: Every year, Kaneki and Hide get together to write Christmas wishes and each year, Kaneki wishes for the same thing. He always hopes and asks for Hide to return his feelings. Struggling with his own darkness this Christmas, Kaneki naturally wants to spend some time with the warmth his friend provides. Once he finds out what Hide's wish is... will that change everything?A 2017 Tokyo Ghoul Secret Santa gift for the amazing @hidemysunshine on Tumblr <3 I hope this small story warms you up this Christmas ^^





	A Wish to You

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone~ It's at this time of year that I'm like, ALWAYS seeking out fluff. I hope that this story can help you attain the sweet, fluff cavities you all might be craving.
> 
> Everyone have a beautiful new year and I hope everyone had a heartfelt holiday season!
> 
> This story was written as a 2017 Tokyo Ghoul Secret Santa gift for @hidemysunshine on Tumblr >u< I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it~ And I hope that you had an amazing holiday!!
> 
> \- Note:  
> \- This story takes place a little while after Kaneki first becomes a ghoul. Much before the events with Jason when he's still sweet, innocent Kaneki ; A ;

The air was chilly and frigid as Kaneki took short steps forward, sneezing along the way. For the upteenth time that day, he questioned why exactly he had agreed to meeting Hide out here and going Christmas shopping with him. Then again, it was worth it to see his friend so happy.

With a face eternally emanating a golden smile and arms so eager to give out hugs or helpful pats on the back, Hide was a literal reflection of the holiday that was fast-approaching. His kindness always seemed to resonate with the people around him, brightening the entire room. Kaneki had always admired this about his friend. His ability to make others happy was something he always found to be so amazing. 

It was such a stark contrast to his timid bookworm self. He had opened up a lot within the past few years. Hide’s encouragement and warmth had been contagious and he slowly had begun to open up to other people. He was no longer the quiet kid at the back of the class, but someone that was inquisitive and engaged, always full of questions.

Things had become more difficult recently, though. Recently, he was struggling to survive and cope with a body he could no longer understand. Becoming a ghoul meant that his entire world had changed. He had begun to surround himself with an entirely new set of people, namely the kind faces of Anteiku. Touka especially had been a great help to him. He had to admit that she had been intimidating at first, but he soon learned that her actions came out of kindness and he really did think that he was becoming a better person due to her influence.

With all of this in mind, he felt as if he was a shadow in Hide’s light. Sometimes, when they were close to one another, it felt as if he wasn’t meant to be there… like he should just pull away. But then days like these would come up and Hide would just insist on Kaneki being present. When Hide gave him such pleading gazes, it was hard to say no. That was how he had ended up in this situation in the first place, stuck in a long ling of other Christmas shoppers alongside a literal ray of sunshine.

“Hey Kaneki, do you really think Touka will like this?” He took another glance towards the watch that Hide was holding up. The item reminded him of Touka in a lot of ways. It looked sturdy, as if it could endure many hardships, but it still had cute animal characters on it that gave it an air of innocence.

“I’m sure she will, Hide.” He reassured him with a smile, stepping a bit closer to his friend to allow other shoppers to pass behind him. “How many more presents do you have to get?”

“Hmm…” Hide pulled out his phone and gazed down towards a memo, reading over the words their carefully. “Two more? You’re still game to hop a few more stores with me, right?”

“Of course, I still have a few more presents I need as well.” Namely, he needed a gift for Hide still. He just hadn’t really found anything yet that caught his eye. Someone as special as Hide needed an equally special gift- something perfect. But what could it be..? A set of his favorite comic books? Too predictable… Some chocolate or a gift basket of food? Nope… Maybe some hair gel? 

“Hey!” Hide suddenly grabbed his arm and shook it, pulling him out of his internal thoughts. “So where do you wanna get together to make wishes this year? Your apartment or mine?” His voice was filled with so much excitement, drifting over towards Kaneki in waves. 

Kaneki’s heart sunk though.

It had become a tradition between the two of them to meet up every Christmas eve and write wishes together. Usually, Kaneki was just as excited as Hide was at the idea. Ever since his life changing event of becoming a ghoul, however, Kaneki felt the need to pull away. After all, he was dangerous- a literal half man-eater. He will never forgive himself for nearly attacking Hide that one day… Being so close to Hide meant putting him in more danger. It was true that a lot of things had changed since that day. He was slowly becoming more comfortable in his own skin. But the thought of ever putting Hide in danger again terrified him more than anything. He never wanted Hide to have to see that side of himself.

“Hello!!! Earth to Kaneki~” Hide began to literally shake him from his thoughts, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You still there?”

“S-sorry, Hide,” he said in an apologetic tone. “It’s a bit hard to hear you over the rest of the shoppers.” A lie. But the shoppers really had been loud. They were adrift in the Christmas chaos and the line was moving as slowly as ever.

There was a strange look in Hide’s eye at that moment- a look that he had started to notice more often lately. It was a mix between worry and inquisitiveness and always left him a bit confused. Just as quickly as it had appeared though, it shifted to one of understanding. “It’s okay!” He pulled Kaneki closer towards him in an attempt to help him hear better. Kaneki couldn’t help but notice the sudden closeness between them and his gaze quickly drifted to the side. “I was asking whether you’d like to meet up at your place or mine for our Christmas wish session this year!”

“Umm… Maybe your place?” It was a quick response, so hasty. He regretted it the instant that he saw the excitement bloom again on Hide’s face. “But Hide… there’s a chance that I won’t be able to make it this year.” There, a chance for him to put more distance between them. Even just saying the words hurt though.

“Eh!?” Hide began shaking him again, distraught. “C’mon man! This is like a tradition between bros! You can’t just push aside something like that. We can meet up wherever you want. I’ll even try making coffee!” Kaneki couldn’t help but give a soft laugh at that, knowing that Hide’s attempts at making him coffee were always admirable but clumsy. And how could he forget the one time he had accidentally replaced the sugar with salt?

“I’ll try to come, Hide.” He noticed his friend calm again and wished that things could just be normal between them so he wouldn’t even have to hesitate. Really though, when had things last been “normal” between the two of them? Even before the ghoul incident, Kaneki was always hiding things from Hide. The most important of which were the feelings he had for him.

What had started as a simple crush in his junior high years had blossomed into a warm but overwhelming love. He thought back to his youth, when his feelings had been so hard to identify. He remembered the first time he had felt attraction towards a boy and how difficult it had been for him to grapple with. He had been brought up with the teaching that boys liked girls and it was as simple as that. It was true that there were times that he would look at a girl and feel a warmth in his chest. But as the years went by, he started to realize that he would sometimes feel this way towards the boys in his class. He remembered bringing up this struggle to Hide.

 

_ “Hide… Have you ever liked someone you didn’t think you should?” _

_ “Hmm? In what way? Like, romantically?” _

_ “...Yeah, I guess… It’s just…” _

_ “...” _

_ “...It’s just that sometimes I look at someone that I don’t think I should like… but I feel attracted to them.” _

_ “Kaneki… are you maybe talking about boys?” _

_ “Ah- how did you know?” _

_ “Heh… It’s cuz’ I know you- silly! And because we spend so much time together.” _

_ “...Do you think it’s a bad thing? To like boys and girls?” _

_ “No, not really. I mean, you can’t control what people you fall for, right? Who’s to say you can’t fall for a dude the same way you could fall for a girl? Everyone should like who they wanna like and that’s that! Hide philsophy!” _

_ “Heh heh! Hide… philosophy, right?” _

_ “Uh… yeah, that!!” _

 

It had been Hide’s philosophy that allowed him to become comfortable with his preferences. Hide had supported him the entire way as he began to accept that he was bisexual. It had been a slight struggle at first, but having his amazing friend beside him had made the realization so much easier.

He remembered when Hide had opened up to him too- about being pansexual. All a part of the “Hide philosophy,” he had said. He really thought that Hide’s ideals were beautiful and something to be admired. Hide explained to him that he saw past gender entirely and that he felt it was the person inside that truly counted. As soon as Hide had said this he had hoped and dreamed that there could be a chance for the two of them to share similar affections.

Three girlfriends and two boyfriends later though, and Kaneki began to doubt he ever had a chance. He was always there by Hide’s side, supporting him through each and every hardship he experienced in these relationships. His friend had been hurt so many times, and he shared in that pain, only wanting to see him be happy. But still, those eyes he dreamed about so often never seemed to catch his. Kaneki was never very good at expressing his feelings and was full of shyness when it came to romance. He had never really allowed himself to make a tangible advance towards Hide. And so the two of them were at a standstill and Kaneki would never know just how far Hide’s feelings ran for him.

Being close to Hide had always been wonderful, but difficult. Seeing the person you cared about so happy but knowing that your feelings weren’t likely to be returned hurt in a deep way. The craving to be near Hide was always there, but with his secret feelings and insecurities, it was difficult to stay close. Factor in this whole ghoul mess and the thread between them had began to wither. Hide always seemed determined to mend that thread though and shorten its length with each passing day. It left Kaneki wondering over and over… what was it in himself that Hide cared about so much? 

As per the usual between them, Hide made sure to cut off his thoughts. “Woo! Awesome~ I guess I’ll have to start thinking of a good wish for this year. Hmm… Oh! I got it!” Hide gave him a teasing look, not even noticing that he was next in line. “Betcha can’t guess what it is! I’d tell you, but if I did, it might not come true, right?”

“Next… NEXT!” The cashier rose their voice, causing Hide to jump in surprise.

“Oops!! Ah, sure!”

How could he ever guess what Hide’s wish had been? His mind drifted to this as he went up to the counter to pay for his own item. In a lot of ways Hide was a sort of mystery to Kaneki- a puzzle he could never quite figure out. 

One thing was for sure though- Kaneki would be making the same wish again this year.

\-------------------------------------- 5 years prior ------------------------------------

_ “Hey, hey! Kaneki!!” Hide bumped his shoulder against his, waving a folded piece of paper in the air. “I wished for like, the best thing ever!”  _

_ “Really? What is it, Hide? What did you wish for?” _

_ “It’s… a. Secret! Hah!” _

_ “Oh… well, mine is kind of a secret too.” He said, holding his own paper close to his chest. Hide could never under any circumstances know what it was that Kaneki had written down.  _

_ “Awwww! Not even a hint?” _

_ “Only if you give me one, Hide.” _

_ “Hah! Not a chance. Anyway, you ready to set them free?” Kaneki’s face lit up in excitement as Hide passed him a filled balloon, gripping the string tightly. _

_ “Yeah,” he said, focusing on keeping the paper’s contents concealed as he tied the string around his paper.  _

_ “Alright then!” Hide gave a full grin of teeth as he ushered Kaneki out to his parent’s back porch. “Let’s set them free! 3… 2… 1!!!” In unison, they both let go of the strings that glued the balloons to their earthly world, watching in awe as they began to float away in the wind. “Woo hoo! Blast off!” _

_ As Kaneki’s eyes followed that little blue balloon floating freely towards the sky, his mind spoke the words he had written.  _

_ Please, please… To whoever out there that receives my wish. Please let Hide like me one day… That’s my Christmas wish. _

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Kaneki didn’t know any better, he would say that the purpose of his cell phone was to vibrate constantly. As was common for him, he was going through another one of his internal struggles, paying his phone no mind. He was already halfway to Hide’s house… would it really be okay for him to be this close to him, alone? Even with how dangerous he was? And… really, once he got to Hide’s place, he couldn’t eat any of the food he offered. Wouldn’t that just look weird? Hiding the fact that he was a ghoul was just about to get even more difficult.

The constant ringing of his phone reminded him of his pull to visit Hide that Christmas Eve though. Hide had been so excited and adamant about them meeting up for their classic wish giving. Finally, he gazed down and sifted through the messages. A soft smile appeared unbidden on his face. 

“Kaneki!!” The words on the screen screamed at him. “You coming? I want to see you!”

“I uh- made coffee! Do you approve?” A picture was attached with that message and woah… were you even supposed to mix sprinkles and Reeses on top of coffee? How had he managed to make it float? Maybe all the whipped cream?

“C’mon man! I’m even playing your favorite movie.” Thus another picture with Hide giving an obvious pout towards the camera, a clip of Rudolph playing on the tv screen in the background. He laughed aloud at this, happiness warming him up in the cold of the night. Hide really did know him too well!

The decision had been made for him as soon as he had read through the first message. His legs started to move towards the direction of Hide’s apartment as if they had a mind of their own. He paid little mind to the people around him, his mind completely preoccupied with reading through his friend’s messages.

“I’m on my way,” he texted back, receiving a quick response from Hide in return. 

“O.M.G. HE’S ALIVE AT LASTTT! :O”

...Followed by another.

“I’m so excited to see you, man!! ^OuO^”

“...Btw! Did I put too much stuff in the coffee?;;;”

Kaneki grew amused by the stream of messages and wrote back. “Hmmm maybe you could try making me coffee that’s just black? But more importantly Hide… how did you get the Reeses to float?!”

“That is… Hide magic, obviously!” Another quick response and by this time Kaneki had reached his friend’s door. Seconds after knocking, he was engulfed in a tight hug, warm and comforting. Kaneki would have laughed in the embrace if he could breathe. 

“H-hide…” He murmured weakly, patting him on the back. Such behavior was common of his friend, but it left his heart fluttering each and every time…. Even if it left him a little breathless also!

“Ka- ne- ki~” He said his name in almost a sing-song voice, ever the voice of Christmas joy. “Welcome welcome! I’m so glad you decided to come.” He released Kaneki from his iron grip and tugged him inside, helping him remove and hang his coat. “But really dude, do you like, ever check your cell phone? They make those for a reason, you know.”

“Sorry, Hide. I was a bit distracted earlier, but I really did read through them all on the way here.

“Well then~” Hide was wiggling his eyes towards Kaneki as he dashed towards the kitchen, holding something behind his back. “You already know about… this!”

He extended his arm and showed Kaneki the coffee he had taken a picture of before, Reeses and all.

“That’s really… impressive? I still don’t understand the physics behind it though…”

“Hah! That’s only part of the magic I can conjure~” Another dash in the kitchen and Kaneki was given a new cup of coffee, black and pure, just the way he had asked. “How’s that?”

“It’s perfect, Hide. Thank you!” 

“That’s the smile I was hoping for! C’mon over here and let’s watch a movie! Maybe Christmas Vacation or something? I would offer Rudolph again, but I’ve already finished the rest of it while you were reading through my novel of text messages on the way here. Oh, wait!” He smacked himself on the forehead, running again towards the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Kaneki! So rude of me! I didn’t even offer you anything to eat. Let’s see….” Kaneki watched as his friend went through his cupboard. “Ramen, ramen… Mac and Cheese… Ramen… Hey, popcorn! Want some popcorn?” He asked, already pulling some out and beginning to heat it up.

Kaneki gulped nervously, his hands feeling clammy all of a sudden. “I actually already ate before I came.” Unbidden, his fingers came up to rest at his chin. “I’m not really that hungry, but feel free to eat some, okay?”

“Hmmm…” That strange, unreadable look again. So much concern and something almost critical in those chocolate eyes. Then there was a warm smile directed towards him and the world began to feel light again. “No worries! I completely understand. It’s just… you’ve been looking really pale lately, you know? I hope that you’re eating well…”

Hide really was able to notice every little thing about him, always one for detail. “I’m fine, Hide. I promise. Things have just been… stressful lately.”

“I can feel you on that.” A beep from the microwave signified that Hide’s popcorn was done. He grabbed the bag and lead Kaneki towards his couch, getting two fluffy blankets ready for them. “Now it’s time for the classic Christmas marathon, woo!” Looking back on their previous years, they would usually only get through one or two movies at most. It would be interesting to see where they got on this “Hide Christmas Marathon” this year…

A movie and a half later and they were both feeling sleepy. Sitting there so close to Hide, warm underneath the blankets that carried his friend’s scent… Kaneki truly felt at home and at peace- something he hadn’t experienced in so long. Hide yawned beside him and moved closer, resting his head on Kaneki’s shoulder and that annoying but wonderful flutter was blooming in his chest again. Hide really was just so perfect, so bright and happy. Anyone with struggles like him would naturally feel attracted towards that light, right? Kaneki wanted to bask in that warmth forever if he could… never mind the circumstances. He didn’t want to think of those things tonight. No, tonight he just wanted to focus on this warmth and the joy of spending time with his most special person on Christmas Eve.

“Hey Kaneki…” Another yawn emanated from Hide and Kaneki had to ponder on his cute it was. “Ugh… I better get up and give you your Christmas present!” He sat up to stretch and when he did so, Kaneki had to swiftly look away before he stared too long at the patch of skin that was revealed when his shirt rode up. “One sec…” Hide stood up and that signaled to Kaneki that he had better grab his friend’s gift as well.

Nervous thoughts ran through his head as he pulled the present from his bag. Hopefully he had gotten something that Hide would truly enjoy. He wanted him to feel special on this holiday night. 

“Alright, let’s swap then! No peeking, Kaneki!” He never peeked, but it was amusing that Hide always warned against it year after year anyway- especially when he had caught his friend peeking so many times in the past!

As was customary between them, they set forth in unwrapping both of their respective gifts at the same time, after a small countdown by Hide. Kaneki paused and held up the item that Hide had given him… a blue scarf that was soft to the touch. He knew then and there that he would definitely treasure it. “Hide… thank you!” Hide reached forward to wrap the scarf around Kaneki’s neck, his hand tickling his skin as he did so. He sat back and nodded in satisfaction.

“It suits you perfectly like I hoped it would! You’ve been looking so pale and I dunno… cold lately? I figured something like this paired with one of your famous cups of coffee could help.”

He gave a gentle laugh in return at this, pulling the scarf tighter around himself. “It’s amazing Hide, really!” His eyes then drifted towards the present Hide had in his lap. Leave it to his friend to get more excited over Kaneki’s gift then his own. Hide’s eyes followed his trail and an instant shocked expression appeared on his face.

“Woah!! For real!?” He cried out in excitement, holding up the new pair of headphones. “Oh my gosh- these are AMAZING!” He immediately plugged them into his phone to try them out, the smile never leaving his face.

“So… They’re really good at noise cancellation too. This way when you ride your bike through the city, you’ll be able to listen to your music easier.”

“You. are. the. best! Have I told you that enough yet, Kaneki?” Relief and happiness washed over Kaneki. He had enjoyed the present after all! Hide pulled him into another one of his trademark hugs and together coupled along with the soft scarf he wore, he felt a warmth like no other.

“So like, I could really sit here and listen to my music with this literally ALL NIGHT but dude. It’s about time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for, right?” Hide exclaimed, pulling Kaneki up. “I got the balloons ready and everything! Well… maybe not blown up just yet, but at least I’ve come prepared!”

Kaneki laughed in return and assisted Hide with blowing up the balloons. Of course this meant that Hide had to try and sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in the too-high-to-be-real voice after inhaling helium. This led to Kaneki trying out the experience too but ending up disappointed that he could only distort his voice for a few seconds at a time.

A few coaching sessions by Master of Helium, Hide later and the two were a laughing, breathless mess. They had also somehow broken four balloons in the process of blowing them up, but they were truly having a great time. 

“Wow, Kaneki! I never realized your voice could go that high! You could be like, a soprano or something.” 

“You’re one to talk! I even recorded the whole thing.”

“Wha!? Hey- hey! What happens between bros stays between bros, right? Please- please don’t send it to Touka!”

That small jealousy that always festered when Hide brought her up sunk through Kaneki again. Sometimes he thought that Hide liked her and other times he just thought Hide enjoyed the thought of impressing her. Sometimes, it could be hard to tell with him. 

“I’m not sending it, Hide- no worries.”

“Whew! Thank goodness.” 

They both took another few moments to catch their breath before Hide ripped a piece of paper and they began to write their wishes. Kaneki bit his lip as he wrote the wish for the fifth year in a row.  _ Please…. Couldn’t it come true? Please? Let me at least have a chance… Let there be something in me that Hide could like… Let there be a chance for him to have feelings for me- despite what I am.  _

He quickly folded up the paper and tied it to his balloon with the kind of precision you could only achieve with doing this year after year. He couldn’t help but gaze towards Hide’s paper, but he was keeping it carefully concealed as always. His wishes would forever remain a mystery to him. He sighed softly and ran his hands for the upteenth time over his new scarf, enjoying the fluffy texture of it. He felt as if he had truly received a piece of Hide with that gift… It was soft and warm… just like him. He shook his head, pushing these super mushy feelings aside and gazing again towards Hide, who had just finished tying the message to his balloon.

“Alright! You ready?” One quick nod from Kaneki later and Hide was ushering him towards his apartment balcony. He took some silent moments to appreciate the beautiful Tokyo night before them. From their height at the third story of Hide’s apartment, all the lights other people had strung from their buildings appeared like little stars. It was as if they were looking out on a vast galaxy and Hide and him were in the center of it. It was a sight that could only truly be appreciated if one stopped to take it all in. 

His eyes drifted towards Hide and he was surprised to see the twinkling lights almost reflected in his eyes. They seemed even brighter than usual somehow, the moon tickling his cheeks and giving him an ethereal glow. It was such a beautiful sight that Kaneki couldn’t help but stare for far too long. Their eyes met suddenly and Kaneki felt his cheeks heat up as he quickly tore his gaze away. A small peek later and there was another new look in Hide’s eyes… something almost like… longing? But Kaneki obviously had to be mistaken! Especially since it was later replaced with amusement.

“C’mon!” Hide bumped his shoulder against Kaneki’s. “Let’s set these bad boys off, huh?” 

“Y-yeah…” He still couldn’t help but be mystified by that previous look. He had been mistaken… right? The lights had to be playing tricks on him. But as always, there was a part of him that hoped that Hide’s look meant what he thought it did...

“Countdown then, ladies and err well, just gentlemen!” Hide cleared his throat. “3! … 2…” He suddenly trailed off, to Kaneki’s surprise and he sent him a questioning look. “Hmmm… no, this isn’t right.” 

“Hide? Is something wrong?” He could see his own breath in the cold night air as he posed the question, placing a concerned hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“...” Hide remained uncharastically quiet, as if having an internal debate about something. He then gave him a soft smile. “Kaneki… I’d like you to see my wish this year.”

“Eh?” A sound of surprise escaped him as Hide extended his precious wish towards him.

“Please… I want you to read it.” 

Hesitatingly, Kaneki slowly reached his hand outwards to take the paper, giving Hide time to retract it if he changed his mind. Hide’s expression remained determined though and he closed the distance between their hands, placing the paper within Kaneki’s palm. He quickly tightened his hold on the string so that the balloon would not float away and looked again towards Hide for affirmation before opening the paper.

Scribbled there in characteristic Hide writing were the following words…

_ I wish for Kaneki to be happy- this year and always… _

“H- Hide…” Kaneki’s hands shook, surprised at the words.

“Kaneki… I want you to know that I’ve been making this wish for the past 7 years…” Hide touched his hand to his, attempting to get Kaneki’s eyes to meet his bright ones. “I look back on some years and I think yeah, my buddy seems happy. Things seem to be going well… but then there are others when I notice that my wishes just aren’t good enough…” He sighed, concern present in his gaze again. “Like this year… I’ve just noticed lately that you’ve been more unhappy than ever… and that you’re pulling away from me. I know that you try to hide it because you don’t want to burden me and stuff… but I can just SEE it, you know? Like one of those books you’re familiar with… you’re familiar to me. I don’t think others around you notice, but I do.”

Kaneki’s eyes widened when Hide’s hand tightened around his fist and the wish within it. “You mean… so much to me, Kaneki. I want to see you happy! As someone who’s so close to you.. It’s like, my duty or something, you know? And I’ve been thinking… maybe part of the problem is that you’re hesitating to allow yourself to be happy. Even tonight, I know that you were kind of hesitating to come here… I want you to believe that you CAN be happy… that I think you deserve it.” Hide then pulled away, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

“Anyways, I dunno… I just thought, maybe if we both sent this little wish of mine off together, the universe would be more likely to ensure that it happens? Just maybe?” 

A powerful emotion was spreading throughout Kaneki’s entire body, leaving him speechless. Was this truly… happiness? Love? Some essence of hope? He felt like he was experiencing the most amazing mixture of these emotions. Even with him being as dangerous as he was… with him slowly becoming a monster the likes of which he had once feared… someone as bright as Hide was looking out for him… wishing for his happiness.

“Hide!” He gasped, overcome with emotion as he pulled his friend into a tight hug, face flushed with warmth. A soft chuckle met him in return as those familiar arms wound around his back, pulling him close. “Thank you…” The words were said too softly, muffled against Hide’s jacket. “Thank you, thank you!” He said the words louder now, wishing for Hide to hear them. “When I’m with you… I always feel such happiness. It makes it so hard to ever leave your side…” A sudden wave of embarrassment at the cheesy words hit him and he quickly pulled away, face pink up to his ears.

“Then don’t leave my side, Kaneki. Stop trying to pull away from me… Remember what I said about the rabbits? You don’t want me to feel lonely either, do you?” Kaneki quickly shook his head and could no longer resist the urge to link their hands, feeling the warmth spread between them.

Hide’s face then began to flush as he looked down at their joined hands, tightening his grip in response. “So uh… how about you let go of that wish now? So it can hopefully come true? We’ll both be wishing for it together.”

With a small smile, Kaneki nodded and let the balloon go free, watching as it drifted in the night wind. 

“So~” Hide cleared his throat, hesitatingly pulling his hand away and pushing it into his jacket pocket. “Do I get to see your wish now?” 

Seconds after losing that shared grip and Kaneki already missed Hide’s touch. He thought back to the message he had written on the paper.. The words that he had always tried to keep concealed. Hide had just opened up to him in such a huge way… it felt wrong to bottle his own emotions up. But still… The idea of Hide seeing the words and rejecting his feelings was too terrifying. He was already shaking at the thought…

_ I want you to believe that you can be happy… _

Those were the words that Hide had uttered earlier… Did that mean he could take this chance at happiness, just this once? Even with the odds against his favor?

“...Kaneki? Heh… C’mon! It was just a joke. I totally understand if you’d prefer to keep it a secret.”

“Hide… I don’t want to hide this from you any longer…” He couldn’t quite meet Hide’s gaze with his own. “I also… have been making one same wish for years. Something that seems so unlikely to happen that… it’s hard to even bring up… But I feel like… I feel like I want to take this chance. I want to tell you.” 

Hide nodded, Kaneki could see this from the corner of his eyes. Even though it was such a quick glance… was that the longing feeling in his gaze again? He didn’t have time to ponder on it now. “Hide… I really really… Li- I mean.” He sighed, steeling himself. No, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it the right way. He gained the courage and looked into Hide’s eyes. “I’m in love with you, Hide.” 

It was now Hide’s turn to be shocked, giving him a wide-eyed face in return. Kaneki allowed his words to settle for a few moments before continuing. “Every year, I’ve been wishing for you to return these feelings.”

A moment of silence between them, and then Kaneki began to notice the deepest flush appearing on Hide’s face.

“W-wait. You… love me? Really?” 

Embarrassed and unable to truly read Hide’s expression, Kaneki could only nod, holding onto the balloon’s string like a lifeline.

Before he could utter a word, Hide’s face loomed close- so close that Kaneki could make out the soft hues of green and brown in his eyes. There was a hesitation there and he knew then that he was waiting for Kaneki to close the gap. He leaned forward and did so, overwhelmed with sudden warmth that blossomed from their joined lips all the way down to his toes. It was a hesitant kiss, chaste and pretty clumsy- completely reminiscent of their youth. Kaneki was so entranced by their meeting of lips that he didn’t even realize he had let go of the balloon string in the process.

In need of air, they both parted, breathless and red-faced. This- this was happiness. Kaneki could feel it washing over him in waves, breaking down the walls he kept around his heart. 

“I love you too, Kaneki…” Hide said softly with that cheerful, playful grin and Kaneki could feel his heart dance in his chest.

“B-but Hide-! When you mentioned to me at that time… about your philosophy… that it was the person inside that counted- I thought I had maybe lost my chance with you! Because I figured that if you had feelings at that time… you would have told me- I began to think that I wasn’t good enough!” The insecurities and questions he had been asking himself all these years suddenly poured out and Hide laughed in return.

“Kaneki~ If only you knew! I’ve been totally pining for you for YEARS! You were the one that kinda taught me that it was the soul inside that was the most important to me… and your soul is…” He could tell Hide was embarrassed, but determined to carry on clumsily anyway. “Your soul is… well...  beautiful to me, okay?” 

The words were cheesy but so amazing when uttered by the person that meant the most to him and Kaneki couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he pulled Hide in for another hug. This Christmas Eve he made a decision. He would allow himself to be happy… he would try and stop putting distance between himself and Hide. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell Hide everything about himself… maybe he would have to hide things in order to protect him, but he would never leave Hide’s side. He would protect him in any way he could. And most importantly…

He would forever strive to protect Hide’s happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo many FEELS!! <3 I hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> Feel free to post an ask or any fanfic requests to my Tumblr-  
> opalfantasy.tumblr.com
> 
> Happy holidays, and I hope you enjoyed it, @hidemysunshine <3


End file.
